You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize