32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
