ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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