A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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