On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
