Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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