I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
