I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
