I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
