Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
