you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
