mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
