We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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