He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
