that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is my gift to your gina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
