it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Four minutes until I can fart!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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