I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His nipple licking is glorious
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