Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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