I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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