i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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