I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
