she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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