I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
