Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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