She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
