I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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