Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We named our party play list daddy issues
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
