you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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