you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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