I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
