love makes seman taste better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
