OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't turn off my feet"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
