It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
