Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
