oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
