Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
