Ketchup is God's man juice
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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