If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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