Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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