you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
