Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
