Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
