We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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