I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
