my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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