i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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