I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
