everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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