I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
