They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
