My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
