im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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