Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
