4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize