It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize