There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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