Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize