I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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