i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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