how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
