oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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