you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
