just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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