youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
