She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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