if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
