Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
