he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
