My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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