I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize