i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You took a bar mat shot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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