I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She bit a glass in half.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
