normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ttyl tear gas
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
