guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
