He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
