I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
is it fun? or sober?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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