Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
