I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
