I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
