I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
