Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
