Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
