I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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