she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
