Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
