Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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