Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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