I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
