There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
