I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
