do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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