Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
