She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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