You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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