The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
