when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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