I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
