Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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