I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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